Privacy Policy
Last Updated: March 25, 2026 · Effective Date: The Dawn of Time
1. Data We Collect
None.
2. Data We Store
None.
3. Data We Share With Third Parties
None. We don't even share with first parties. Or second parties. We're not entirely sure what a second party is.
4. Cookies
We don't use cookies. Not the digital kind. We do enjoy the edible kind, but that falls outside the scope of this policy.
5. Analytics & Tracking
We do not track you. We do not know where you are. We do not know who you are. Frankly, we're not sure how you got here.
6. Personal Information
We do not ask for it. We do not want it. If you tried to give it to us, we would politely but firmly decline. Please stop trying.
7. Data Retention
You cannot retain what you do not have. This is both our policy and a basic principle of logic.
8. Data Breach Notification
In the unlikely event of a data breach, we would have nothing to breach. This section exists purely for aesthetic completeness.
9. Children's Privacy
We do not collect data from children. We do not collect data from adults. We do not collect data from sentient AI. We are an equal-opportunity non-collector of data.
10. Changes to This Policy
We reserve the right to update this policy at any time, though it is difficult to imagine what we would change. "None" is a fairly stable value.
11. Contact Us
You are welcome to contact us with questions about this privacy policy. We will confirm that we still do not have your data. We will always not have your data.